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Updated: 10/27/01

You Know You've Been At National Blue Beret Too Long When...

Dredged up by C/Maj Mike Crockett, CadetStuff Staff
(Editor's note: Mike Crockett attended, like, his fifteenth NBB this year. He passed along the benefit of his experience in CadetStuff's May issue in an article entitled: "Five Tips for Blue Beret".)

The Top 10

  1. A 5-minute shower is long.
  2. You think that laundry automatically does itself at night.
  3. You hear several loud booms that shake the building and say, “It’s just another bomb raid.”
  4. You name your lineman's batons.
  5. You talk to the plane while you’re marshalling it.
  6. You marshall other people towards you so you can talk to them.
  7. You’re being relieved from flight line and you hop in the van and the rest of your flight screams, “JUMPER IN, GO GO GO!”
  8. Writing smiley faces in the dust on your boots becomes an everyday occurrence.
  9. You start developing incredibly creative ways of hiding your orange vest while you are wearing it, like putting it underneath your clothing.
  10. You make a list of reasons you’ve been at Blue Beret too long.

The Other 90

  1. You recognize an outsider by their clean smell.
  2. Your arms sporadically move up and down in a “come ahead” motion.
  3. 8 hours of sleep is too much.
  4. You feel alone when there are only 12 people in the van.
  5. A vehicle with seats is a luxury.
  6. You can’t fall asleep unless you turn on a recording of a hostile fly-by.
  7. You’ve named the dust bunnies under your bed.
  8. You think an orange vest is flattering.
  9. You automatically salute when a white van passes.
  10. You think t-shirts come in 2 colors, brown and more brown.
  11. You think that for every 1 girl there are 12 guys.
  12. You try and salute an officer even though you are both in civvies.
  13. You have a raccoon tan line.
  14. You wake up in the middle of the night and talk to people.
  15. Sleep consists of REM and GOTO.
  16. You go through 10 coloring books.
  17. You think there is an actual difference between water and H2O.
  18. You know 10 ways to shine your boots.
  19. You can easily recognize the difference between a PA-28 and a PA-27 whereas before you couldn’t distinguish the difference between a C-5 and an F-15.
  20. You response to a knock at the door is a loud masculine, “BARTH!”
  21. Mosquito bites begin to look like freckles.
  22. You’re standing downwind from Delta and you realize you can really smell them.
  23. You’re in a van and a guy says, “Look 9:00” and you go, “Oh, the one in the purple shirt?”
  24. Red is your natural skin color.
  25. You amuse yourself by shooting rubber gloves.
  26. "Buttmuch" is a term of endearment.
  27. You throw your dishes in the garbage.
  28. You walk up to people and say, “It’s all good, eh.”
  29. You’re from Mass and “all y’all” is a normal part of your vocabulary.
  30. You forget to salute an LT because they’re all in the corps with you.
  31. You understand Alpha flight when they report.
  32. You look forward to the arrival of the septic tank pumping truck.
  33. You can look at a guy and know that he just earned 5 points.
  34. You wake up at 4 just to take a 2 minute shower.
  35. Part of your home first escape plan is to include your blanket and flashlight.
  36. 5 minutes of sleep is a gift from god.
  37. A teaspoon of Mountain Dew is a weeks worth of caffeine.
  38. Your best friend is Operation Thirst.
  39. You start to like KP.
  40. You start to think the pink FAA shirts are stylish.
  41. Your biggest worry is if your beret is shaped right.
  42. You shave your beret more than your legs.
  43. You refer to Echo Flight Commander as “Mom” and the compound as “Home.”
  44. You can do a dramatic interpretation of the Blue Beret Creed.
  45. When someone says “Taco” instead of envisioning food you think a large man with no hair.
  46. To pass the time you sing 499 bottles of beer on the wall.
  47. You find it a privilege to shave your legs.
  48. You can predict the next move of an aerobatic stunt plane.
  49. You have a perfect kill record of anything that flies and bites you.
  50. You can do a million different tricks with your batons on flight line and not hit yourself with them.
  51. You think your web gear is a purse.
  52. You can play any rhythm from any song with your batons on a cone or on your lap.
  53. You think taking a knee is a nap.
  54. You know the number of planes in a parking row.
  55. You entertain yourself by making shadow puppets on the cones on flight line.
  56. You practice your flanks and columns around a cone on flight line.
  57. You think your green wristband is a form of ID.
  58. You think entertainment is polishing your boots.
  59. You have to remind Piper about asking a survey question.
  60. You can fit 13 people in the flight line van and still have room to move around.
  61. Your nightly ritual ends with the BEAVER SONG.
  62. You see a plane flying overhead and try to marshall it from the ground.
  63. You accept the fact that Adams goes for 12 yr. olds.
  64. Your flight sings “This is the song that never ends” as loud as they can on the way back from flight line.
  65. You have your own art gallery.
  66. You have a permanent beret mark on your forehead.
  67. You hate airplanes.
  68. The septic tank area outside the mess hall becomes a hang out place.
  69. Spending 1 hr in Wally World isn’t enough.
  70. 121.775 is your favorite radio station.
  71. You’ve designed a system of Morse code to talk through the barracks walls.
  72. You run out of cadences to sing on the way to flight line.
  73. You feel naked when you aren’t wearing your orange vest.
  74. There’s more beret fuzz on your head than hair.
  75. You walk into the male barracks just to play golf.
  76. You can’t fall into formation properly because you’re all officers.
  77. You refer to yourself by your last name in your dreams.
  78. School sounds like fun.
  79. You want to go back to work.
  80. You start thinking that getting hit by a propeller isn’t that bad.
  81. You count golf carts in your sleep.
  82. Your motto becomes “The mission comes first … and then we kill them.”
  83. Everyone knows the words to “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling.”
  84. You gamble with popcorn.
  85. Baughman runs out of planes to name.
  86. You have shaving parties involving: Sunblock, Razors, and Berets.
  87. You realize the eighth basic response is “BITE ME, SIR!”
  88. You see a black flag and run to put on blue shorts.
  89. You hide your locker keys in your shoes expecting no one will find them and thinking that you won’t forget they’re there.
  90. You forget to say “OUCH!” when you hit your head on the top bunk.

Cadet Major Mike Crockett is the "Cadet Commander Emeritus" (according to the MDWG Group IV C/CC) of the Bethesda-Chevy Chase Composite Squadron , which despite his constant meddling, managed to become the 2000 Maryland Wing Squadron of Merit, and Squadron of the year, in addition to receiving a Unit Citation. He is also 2001 recipient of the AFA Outstanding CAP Cadet Award for his squadron.