Dr. Drill,

I'm going to be Charlie flight sergeant at encampment and I was at the encampment staff retreat this past weekend. All the encampment staff was there to talk about plans and procedures and the schedule and stuff. Anyway, there was a disagreement on how to do 'column of files' between a couple of the other flight sergeants.

The Alpha Flight Sergeant said that the command is "Column of files from the right, forward" and then the element leaders who are not moving say, "stand fast" and the element leader on the right says, "march!" and then they step off. Then, as the last man in each element gets close to the next element leader, the last man says, "forward" and the element leader says "march" when the last man gets up to him and the next element steps off.

The Bravo Flight Sergeant said that the command is "Column of files from the right, column right (or left)" and that the two element leaders who are not moving say, "stand fast" and the element leader on the right says "forward" and the flight sergeant says "march!" and the element on the right steps off. Then he said that as the last man in the each element got close to the next element leader, he should call "last man!" and the element leader would then command, "forward, march!"

I learned a combination of these two methods, but I avoided getting into the discussion. We didn't have a drill manual, so nobody could prove what they were saying and A flight and B flight sergeants got into a shouting contest. Finally, the encampment command chief master sergeant came over and shut them both up. He said he'd look it up in the drill manual and let us all know the right way to do it. But I want to be familiar with it before then so that I can look good in front of the chief (I'd like his job next summer).

Anyway, can you help?

Thanks,

Cadet TSgt Horrace Throwte

Dr. Drill Responds:

Dear Horrace,

How timely your question is! It's getting to be time for cadets to apply for staff positions at encampment, and the drill maneuver you describe is one of the most frequently biffed of all time! Dr. Drill will now impart upon you his superior knowledge, so that you can un-biff yourself, and show the other cadet staff members at encampment that it IS possible to execute drill and ceremonies without a megaphone and a week's supply of throat lozenges.

Let me start by referring you to the bible of combat drill and ceremonies, the AFMAN 36-2203. We'll start with paragraph 4.13.1: Column of Files. You'll note that the paragraph is NOT entitled "Column of Files from the Right to the Left." That's because you DON'T need to say all those words. If you do, you're just standing up there in front of your flight, making yourself sound important, but teaching your basics WRONG. Don't do this, or Dr. Drill will be forced to travel by covered wagon to your encampment and bop you upside the head with his leather-bound copy of AFMAN 36-2203.

As I said, this is one of the most classically goofed drill maneuvers in encampment history. There are as many incorrect variations of this maneuver as there are ribbons on the National Commander's uniform! Here's how it SHOULD go, in the form of a SCRIPT (hint: this not a precise movement (4.13) but it is easier if it's done IN CADENCE):

All elements will incline to the right following the leading elements in successive order.

Now, Cadet Throwte, I know what your next statement will be: "Wow, Dr. Drill, you're the smartest guy I've ever chatted with online! But now that I have my cadets in one long single file, how do I get them back into the previous formation? Do I just yell, 'RE-FORM?'"

Horrace, I'm glad you asked this question. If I don't address this here and now, I can just picture 40-some-odd encampments across the country with long, snake-like, single files of cadets marching around military bases all over the place! I can see the USAF TIs saying, "What the [expletive deleted] are those sharp-looking CAP cadets doing? Don't they know the command "Column of Twos to the Left"? C'mon, Bob, lets go back in the office and re-read this month's Dr. Drill column on CadetStuff.org - that guy's BRILLIANT!"

Before I answer, let me just say that if you utter the word, "RE-FORM" during this process, I will personally perforate your peritoneum with the pointy end of the guidon! Don't EVER say that. It will give your cadets a psychological complex, thinking they need some sort of reform training. Plus, it's plain wrong, and just ain't in the book. Since you asked (or were about to ask), here's how it should go (if you're forming columns from a single file consisting of multiple elements), in script form once again, according to 4.13.3:

On the command of execution "MARCH," the lead element leader continues to make the same footprints in the earth he or she was making a moment ago. The only movement expected here is to turn your cadet head 45-degrees back to the front!

As for the remaining element leaders, you DO have a job here, guys. Y'all will snap your freshly-trimmed military-style haircuts back to the front and step off, executing a column left simultaneously (we talked about this word. That'll be $.50, please), and incline and form to the left of the leading element. Members of these elements will march to the approximate pivot point established by the element leaders, and perform the maneuver in the same manner as the element leaders.
(Dr. Drill's Note: this requires airmen to pay attention. You may have to loan some of them a token for the clue bus here. "NOTICE TO AIRMEN: Clue Bus Now Boarding!")

Element leaders, you will halt your elements by turning your brainbox 45-degrees to the right and calling "Element, HALT" so that your element is abreast of, and even with, the leading element.

Dr. Drill is also proficient at the other, lesser-known maneuvers found in Chapter 4 of the AFMAN 36-2203, including forming a column of twos from a column of fours while marching on the hands, dressing a flight to the right when many of the flight members are missing their arms, and counting off by the square-root of seven. Dr. Drill will be appearing on stage until Thursday. Try the Veal. Be sure to tip your waitress. Thank you....

Dr. Drill.