So, someone from your squadron just came back from Hawk and is quacking about getting his "R-3" or "R-2" and working his way up to Advanced. What the heck does all that mean? What is an "Advanced" Ranger capable of? Are we talking one step down from an Air Force Pararescueman or are we talking two steps above a Cub Master?

Well, with this handy, dandy guide from C/Maj Bob Bixby (a pseudonym), you too will know the difference between and R-3 and so on and so forth. And you thought you could trust that R-2 with a compass? You fool!

R-3 - Ranger Third Class. Knows what a fire is. Cannot tie his boots by himself. Is afraid to open folding knife at Wal-Mart. Gets lost looking for his mom's car in Wal-Mart parking lot. Holds flashlight while R-1 reads map. Manages to pick his home squadron's ground team leader out of a line-up two out of three times. Brings a mop to social events because he could not get a date.

R-2 - Ranger Second Class. Knows that a fire is hot (and will wear a glove next time). Can tie his boots once shown the proper method by a staff cadet. Cuts himself on really big knife he just bought and will never use. Gets lost on first nav course - and on second nav course, and third nav course... Is learning to read a road map. Is glad someone else leads his squadron's ground team. Dates outside of CAP because Rangers of the opposite sex frighten him.

R-1 - Ranger First Class. Knows how to start a fire in fifteen minutes. Can tie a taut-line hitch to keep his tent from falling in on him. Cuts himself with survival knife while skinning rabbit. Gets 'temporarily misdirected' at orienteering competition, but secretly shares information with another team to get back on track. Confuses latitude and longitude lines. Leads ground team at his home squadron because no one else will do it. Dates other Rangers only because he spends too much time at Ranger activities to meet people in the real world.

R-Adv - Advanced Ranger. Knows how to start a fire in the rain. Can tie three versions of the figure eight knot that he knows no use for. Uses knife to pry open cans of sterno. Proficient using lensatic compass in the field, but is still mystified by the "magic box that talks to metal birds". Teaches R-3s to read topo maps knowing they will forget everything he teaches within five minutes. Leads his home squadron's ground team to victory at the Ranger competition (or would have if that other Ranger team hadn't 'bent the rules'). Just broke up with a Ranger and vows never to date one again.

R-Ex - Expert Ranger. Starts fires with his breath. Builds a 12-to-1 haul system using paracord and his teeth. Can kill a bear from thirty feet away by throwing a screwdriver. Has memorized every topographical feature within fifty miles of Hawk Mountain and twenty miles of his home squadron. Has a GPS receiver in his skull. Accepts bribes to lead other squadrons' teams at Ranger competition. Is in a long-term relationship with or has married a Ranger and is planning on sending all of his children through Ranger School.