Counseling, feedback, constructive criticism, a chewing out... Whatever you call it, it's going to happen. No one is perfect! When it does, try to make it a positive experience. Positive? Absolutely! If you handle the situation correctly, you may actually come out smiling.

Nobody enjoys counseling others. People in charge mainly just want everyone to be happy, to get along with each other, and to get the job done. If something interferes with these goals, someone is getting talked to.

The biggest hurdle in counseling is your ego. No one likes to be told they were wrong. It's embarrassing and diminishes your self-worth. However, the person who is counseling you is not thinking about that! He doesn't want to make you feel like a bozo. He just saw something wrong that he wants you to fix. Feeling bad is your perception of the situation, not his.

There are things to do and things not to do when you are being counseled. These hints can mean the difference between coming away feeling abused and unappreciated or energized and redirected. If you are called in for a little chat, take a minute or two to review and apply these hints.

• Listen. Far too often we close our ears and minds when we are being counseled.Instead of trying to understand, we're mentally arguing. Listen or you can't understand the problem and fix it.


• Don't be defensive. If you are being counseled you probably did something wrong. If you're defensive you're trying to find ways to protect yourself instead of trying to find ways to improve.


• Accept responsibility. Don't weasel or make excuses!Listen to what is being said. If you have made a mistake, admit it. Even if the mistake wasn't yours, accept responsibility for the solution.


• Don't try to control the situation. If you argue, it will only get worse. You can't really win.All you can do is give the person counseling the impression that you're uncooperative and not willing to improve.


• Don't play the victim. You're not being counseled because nobody likes you or the staff has it in for you. You got yourself in trouble. You're being counseled because you made a mistake and someone thinks you're worth saving.


• Be willing to learn and grow. A counseling session should be a learning experience. You probably thought what you were doing was the right thing to do. Or you thought it was no big deal. Obviously you were wrong. Your job now is to learn - mainly about yourself. Try to understand how others perceive you and your actions.


• Give proper visual cues. Body language is important. Smile, move your eyebrows, tilt your head, lean forward, relax your arms. These indicate that you are friendly, open and receptive. Don't frown, furrow your brow, lean away or cross your arms. These indicate that you disagree or aren't listening.


• Give proper verbal cues. Certain phrases you use can help or hurt. Say: "I'm not sure I understand what you mean. Could you give me an example?". Don't say: "You're wrong.I never do that!" The idea is to find the problem, but it's a matter of how you say it.


• Ask the right questions. There are questions you always want to ask. These give you an idea how things are in general. It also tells the person counseling that you care and want his advice. Ask things like: "What parts of my work am I doing well? Where could I improve?", "What would be the best way to solve this?".

Remember that counseling is not about diminishing you or making you feel bad.Counseling is about correcting behaviors to make you more of an asset and more successful. If you fight the process, the only one who gets hurt is you.