I've found that if you keep your head up, you can find leadership lessons in what seem to be the unlikeliest of places. For instance, in "Don't You Ever Get Mad?", I discovered a crucial lesson in a kitchen accident.

But, when you think about it, you spend most of your life at home and with your family. And within your family is as good - or better - a place to practice leadership techniques as anyplace else you're likely to find. Admittedly, the issues aren't life or death, but there is a lot to be learned about working for and with others, and - if you're a parent - how to plan, lead, council, mentor and discipline.

I made my latest discovery while reading book ten of the long-running "Magic Treehouse" series by Mary Pope Osborne to my daughters. The title of the book is "Ghost Town At Sundown" and, as you might guess from the title, it is set in the West. The Old West, as a matter of fact, since the Magic Treehouse can travel through time and space.

At one point, the young protagonist, Jack, researches how to handle horses in a book he's carrying with him (the Magic Treehouse is a library of sorts, and its destinations are established with books). He's doing this research because his younger sister, Annie, is attempting to calm a semi-wild colt.

Jack reads the 'Rules for Horses' he finds to his sister, who uses them to settle the colt. As the book progresses, Jack finds opportunities - needs, really - to use each of the rules in turn.

As Jack remembered and applied the last of the rules, it suddenly came upon me that these rules didn't just apply to horses: they applied to pretty much anyone who has people under them. I don't know where she got them, but Ms. Osbornes five 'Rules for Horses' are genius and I'm going to pass them along to you with a little elaboration so you can see how simple and important they are.

''Rules for Horses''

• Soft hand
• Firm voice
• Sunny attitude
• Praise
• Reward

Let's take these one at a time.

''Soft hand''

A 'soft hand' doesn't mean that you should gently stroke your Cadets on the nose while feeding them apples. Well you could do that. But what that really means is that you should be only as harsh as is absolutely called for by the training and the Cadets.

As an easy example, let's take the subject of dessert. If you're in a classroom/barracks environment, such as encampment, there is no reason not to allow your Cadets to have a bowl of ice cream with their meals. It doesn't affect the training if they have some ice cream, so why not? Not allowing dessert is simply a petty display of power and control and your people will resent you for it.

On the other side of the equation, if the training involves some sort of austerity - such as a survival course - then restricting the types of food is appropriate. It sure doesn't help the training if everyone is munching on the five pounds of candy they brought along instead of foraging for nuts and berries like they've been taught!

''Firm voice''

A 'firm voice' means that you should treat your Cadets with consistency, authority and decisiveness. If you are in charge and have the ability to make a decision, make a decision. Once a decision is made, stick with it (unless you have an overwhelmingly good reason to change it). And always remember that you're in charge; your people can suggest courses of action but ultimately the decision is yours.

What a 'firm voice' is not is a Gunny Hartman shout. Shouting has its place in leadership - mainly to grab someone's attention when it's waivering, but that place is not as the 'firm voice' you should give your people.

"Sunny attitude"

As the Monty Python song says, "Always look on the bright side of life." It does your people absolutely no good if you're always down on the situation. People generally want to feel positive about what's going on - especially when they have no control over the situation or things are going badly. As a leader, it's up to you to put the best face on every situation.

That's not to say you should spread false news or be foolishly optimistic. If it's raining and forty-five degrees and you still have three hours left on a field exercise, no amount of "Gee guys, this is great!" is going to make things any less miserable. But, a heathy dose of "This sucks, but you can handle it."

"Praise"

This one goes without saying - or it should. Never pass up an opportunity to praise your people. That's not to say you should be running a self-esteen camp, telling your people how wonderful they are if they manage to wear their underwear inside their BDU trousers. But if they do manage to get dressed and ready to go in a good amount of time, let them know that you noticed (and you darn well should notice!) and that you appreciate it.

"Reward"

This ties in with 'Praise', and should be used pretty much the same way. Give your people small rewards for small accomplishments and give them big rewards for big things. Your team gets an 'outstanding' on a barracks inspection? Cut them an extra 30 minutes of free time or - even better - and extra 30 minutes of sleep in the morning. Something that's within your authority and more substantial than a verbal pat on the back.

Okay, so let's take a last look at our Rules:

• Soft hand
• Firm voice
• Sunny attitude
• Praise
• Reward

Well, that's about it. Simple, huh? Just keep a firm hand on the reins and take it easy with the spurs and pretty soon you'l have your poeple eating sugar cubes out of your hands and taking carrots from your mouth.