This is a story that doesn't make me look so good. This happened the last year that the Drummond Island Ranger School existed. Many of us figured that this would be the last time, and morale was in a pit. Actions that had never happened on the Island had become commonplace. Team leaders abandoned their people, jobs were done poorly or not at all, and unacceptable behavior abounded. As a unit, we were falling apart.

It was late in the second week, and Charlie Team had mess duty for the morning meal. Charlie was commanded by a good friend of mine. She was a c/2lt and my cadet deputy commander back at our home unit. I was a c/TSgt and the first sergeant back home. We had always gotten along well and had helped each other through some hard times in the previous week and a half.

When her team served our breakfast, I was stunned. The oatmeal was burned, and they only served water to drink. No sugar, raisins, or toast were served. It was an inedible, hideous meal. My people and I were hungry, and I was concerned that this could really affect my team's fragile state. With things going so badly, good food was essential for our sagging morale.

At first, my intentions were good. I decided to just take the initiative and fix the problem. I took my team to the kitchen area and put them to work. I had first squad scrape the burned oatmeal out of the big pots and had second squad start on some bug juice. I went over to supply and got sugar, raisins, butter, and bread for toast.

My team's morale rose rapidly. We were taking positive action to make things better. Even the guys scrubbing pans didn't mind the normally loathed task. We had the water boiling, half the toast made, and the juice almost done when Charlie's commander came into the kitchen and asked what I thought I was doing.

This is where I went over the line. I don't even know why I was such a jerk. I should have just said "Just trying to help ma'am". Instead, I said something like "Well, since Charlie didn't feel like making anything fit for human consumption, Delta is stepping up to feed the cadet corps. My people aren't going to eat that crap you made, and nobody else should have to either." That isn't an exact quote, but I'm sure it's pretty close.

You can imagine how she might not take that so well. She ordered me out of the kitchen, and I told her that I was a team leader just like her and that we had the same rank. She couldn't order me to do anything. Although I was technically right, I was totally wrong in my behavior and demeanor. I was setting a horrible example for my troops. All she wanted to do was fix her mistake, but I was too involved with being the "hero that saved breakfast" to let her. It actually occurred to me that she might be trying to take credit for the work my team had done! I had completely forgotten the noble purpose for which I had entered that kitchen in the first place.

She went to the commandant who, of course, told me to "get the hell out of the kitchen". I actually started to argue with him, but he was having none of that. He was surprisingly calm and understanding. He didn't yell at me or anything. He just made sure I understood that my team and I were to leave the area immediately.

An hour later, I regretted my behavior deeply. Unfortunately, I wasn't mature enough to apologize to her that day. I didn't talk to her again until our next squadron meeting after the school was over. I apologized then, but it was a little late for "I'm sorry." Things were never the same between us after that. She quit CAP a month or so later.

When you are young, it is easy to get so wrapped up in what you are doing that you lose perspective, especially when CAP is so important to you. Things that start out very positive can quickly get out of hand and become nasty. Unfortunately, sometimes things change, and we don't notice it until it is too late. A cadet leader needs to be conscious of this potential problem, because it happens to everyone who actually gets involved in cadet leadership. If you can catch yourself before it goes too far, you are well on your way to truly becoming a good leader. If you don't, be mature enough to admit your mistake and make up for it. Don't even try to defend a rash action that you shouldn't have taken.

Seniors, however, need to understand that this kind of thing will occur occasionally when dealing with teens, and that the cadet in question is not necessarily a bad cadet. It is sometimes hard to remember the days when we saw everything in black and white, when we easily got carried away, and when a principle was always to be fought for no matter what. Seniors need to help the cadets see the error of their ways and only punish a remorseless cadet. We need to distinguish between passion and being obstinate, between a cadet who is intentionally insubordinate and one who is under pressure and loses their cool. When we do, we display the maturity and behavior that we want to see in our cadets.